Freaking out a bit here, the ex just told me I would never see out baby again.

Calm down. I'm a mother too, that would have me running to someone's house with weapons to get my baby. But, you have a legal right, right? Techniy, you are both legally parents?

Morning girlio. Sorry to have read this just now I too am in your shoes as the non-bio mom. I guess, maybe my X was just a bit more rational through the break up than yours. We knew from day 1 after the initial impact of the break up that we were stuck with each other forever and conducted ourselves accordingly. Nothing was ever said, done or acted on that would need repair in the future. Hell, I never even ed her new g/f a bad name when I discovered the affair. You are ahead of the game by being on the Birth Cert....I don't even have that in WI. I can't adopt either. You do need to go to your local county court to request a formal placement/visitation agreement to be settled by a judge. This would cover every thing from days in each household, holidays, health insurance, other incured costs related to her upbringing. If VT is anything like WI, they will assign a Gaurdian Atlightem (sp) it's a laywer for the child. And really...that is who the judge will listen to the most. Contact Lambda Legal for some direction for legal help. Don't wait. Contact your local LGBT Center...in some areas there are lawyers that will volunteer their services to help people out in the situations where money is tight. drop me line if you wanna talk more on just keep in mind...this may be a very difficult situation, but not an impossible one. Stay cool and know your rights.

what's the legal situation are you both legally parents? are you legally divorced/separated or never were partnered? is there a formal custody arrangement? i guess they have the child right now. what was the context of the statement? don't forget to breathe. unless there is some evidence of reason to keep her away from you, she probably won't be successful in trying to do that.

I know she will not suceed, it is just going to get so ugly. i can't be near her without a third party, just not safe anymore to try to reason with her. No legal papers yet, civil union.

Both on the Birth Certificate legally, you have rights. You need to contact a lawyer. If you need help, I will search in your area for you. You also need to start documenting these occurances. It's long and hard, but it's no longer impossible to remove a child from a birthmother if the situation is dangerous. I bring this up due to your other post regarding the glass door while holding the baby. Is she violent to you, in front of the child? Is it anger to you? Is this how she is controlling you?

I am so controlled, I am so trapped.

I usually lurk but I've read your story for the last few weeks and it is heart wrenching. I've had my own kids used to control me, too. I don't understand her hatred to you, and this is going to be personal. She left with your best friend. With the child. How old is the child? Why did you break up, other than that? Does she have any reason to believe that you are dangerous? I know that they are hard questions, but they are questions you will be asked over and over in court.

I am going to be honest here- coming out of lurk mode for you too. You have been through a terrible loss. You are hurt and confused. I know that it seems your life is going out of control, the ex best friend seems to enjoy hurting your feelings. You love the child. Please do not let your emotions regarding the new partner of your ex destroy your relationship with the child. You should see a grief counselor yourself. What you are going through is a divorce, and it is hard. I came out of anon, so if you want, you can drop a vent email to me anytime, instead of ending up in a situation like tonight. Just please understand, anything too painful to be dealt with right now regarding the ex/ex best friend, needs to be realized and put aside until a day you are healed enough to deal with it. The child will always be yours. Until you are strong enough to find a woman that deserves you, the child can be your comfort through this.

Thank you, I have tried not to share too much but tonight I will tell this small group that the ex was in the hospital much of the summer, involuntarily...this a ill woman.

I understand I didn't know that, but you need to not worry about it so much. I know you want to slap me for saying that, but venting here is sometimes better than venting in real life. You vent here, (pick a board you don't care about :)) and get your emotions out. Email me. I'll just listen and dump it into cyber space for you :)It's stagnant. It's the internet. None of the people that give you little numbers can hurt you. It's yelling as the train goes by. Then, it will be easier to deal with the frustrations in life. If I were you, I would go above and beyond the ex, document everything-and get an independant lawyer to see what can be done for you. You have been letting this ex dictate everything as she has you afraid of losing the child, but you really have nothing to fear. Even if, by some strange twist, she managed to do the worst, the parental bond can't be broken. Convulted words of support! Sorry. I'm usually better spoken.

I am so afraid that she won't even remember me she s the other house the "yelling house" and begs not to go there.

Oh, honey she will remember. Children remember. You have to trust in that. I had a health scare recently where I thought I might lose my life. I came back from the dr. and held my daughters, thinking they would grow up without me. It was the most frightening feeling in the world to me. Thankfully, that won't be happening, but for the weeks in between I had to make my peace with the possibility. My oldest, a year older than yours, said "Mommy, you will never die, you are here in me." So, you are there in her. Sometimes, despite what we think as adults, life is magic and fairy dust. I learned that from my four year old.

I had her tucked in with me and sang her to sleep and smelled her hair. My heart knew something bad was about to happen.

I can't imagine how hard it is-it sounds like you love her so much, and you have no control over her. Gain some of your power back, woman! :) Be strong for her. Get custody straightened out, and the ex/ex friend can live happily in non-metally healthy land. You have a chance to be a sane, loving example to the little girl, and she is going to need you to be strong and calm in the years to come.

I want to thank you personally for your support to Notx. This has been a tough situation and the more support the better. Thank you!

Why is she saying this?

She was plowing snow all night and left baby with V who has no legal rights. I went and got her and took her to visit a friend. The ex has totally flipped.

I told her I had her at a friend's house and would be home soon, just come get her when you get off work.

whoooooaa, Nelly! You seem to be quite good at delivering these passive slaps to the ex's face and then screaming bloody murder when she responds in kind. Did the "friend" whose house you "left her at" have legal custody of the child either? What were you thinking? You USED that child to take a swipe at the ex and her new girlfriend. You did the same thing with the damned birthday party. Wake up! You are a parent. Swallow your pride, suck it up, and think of the impact your behavior is having on this kid. Sorry to sound mean, but I can't watch this parade anymore without commenting on the nakedness of Her Majesty.

i'd give this post +x if i could

Reread, she was NOT left at a friend's house

You asked for input, and based on the info people are responding. You can't blame them for not having all the facts. Don't ask strangers for advice about complex situations. Email and your friends instead. And for god's sake Legal Aid, Protective Services and any other organization who might be of help. Posting on CL has the result you've seen here.

she does have a right to have someone watch the though. babysitters don't have legal rights over the ren for example. i know you don't want to hear this right now, but if you were already in a bad situation with her, going to get the when it was her turn to have custody was really asking for trouble from her. sounds like it's time to make custody formally arranged and then you need to stick to it.

I told her it was time for paperwork, at least a mediator of some sort.

Agreed. Don't do that again.